is your mom at the bar?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
