my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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