Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
