Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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