Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just high enough for therapy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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