before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
