Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
