The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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