I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
