just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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