My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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