you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
