Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
