Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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