We won't sleep together?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
