I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
