You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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