I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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