google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
