in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
