take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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