If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
