I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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