I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
