He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
