i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
