Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who died my cat blue again?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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