I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
