i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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