I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
