I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
