what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
