drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
