Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
