My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
