I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
