His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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