if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
