she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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