Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
