You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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