wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
