You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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