So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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