My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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