If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
