Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
