i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
