my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
