He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
