Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
