why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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